i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
