In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
