it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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