So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize