Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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