party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
