I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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