You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
