I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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