Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
