Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i've created a new STD.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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