If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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