I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
