Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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