my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
