oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
