Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
