I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
