I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
