Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
