Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize