instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
