I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
