We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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