we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
