Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was CRYING into my vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
