before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize