OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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