Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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