I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
