im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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