Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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