she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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