Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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