So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
