First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
