a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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