Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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