i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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