she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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