Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
