it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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