dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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