Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
