I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
