So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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