Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
