is your mom at the bar?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
