i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
