I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
