Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
