I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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