I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
