I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
