She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
