Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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