i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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