I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
