You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
