My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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