He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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