have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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