I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize