I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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