Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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