fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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