Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
