the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
