I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
