I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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