I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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