Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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