so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
