I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
