Pappa wants mamma naked
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
