she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
