I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
