you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
